my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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