You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
