I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
