Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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