i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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