How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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