i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize