Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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