she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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