I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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