he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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