Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
