I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
