i just wanna soil my oats bro
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
