WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
