you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
