Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
