I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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