I wanna passion pit in your ass
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
