My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
