zippers are such a cool invention
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
