All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
