...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
