Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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