3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
