My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
