Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
