ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
