He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's blow job season.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
