I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize