is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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