Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
