So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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