11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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