he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
