end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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