I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize