she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
