So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
