Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
