i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
