Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
pop tarts are not kleenex
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
