biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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