oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
