On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
