and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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