he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
