On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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