My room smells like vodka and shame
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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