my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
