just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
