i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
