Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
