He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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