DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
