saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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