Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
