I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
