Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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