o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
