wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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