dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
