Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize