Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
