do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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