Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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