hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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