you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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