I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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