Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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