He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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