I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
