You really coming over, don't trick.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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